On falling in love again

This is a passage is from On being a Mom:

My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

Before J and I got married, we never seriously talked about having kids. When we were already married, we were enjoying our lives so much that we put if off indefinitely. Three and a half years after getting married, we announced to our families and friends that we decided not to have kids EVER. Four months after, I told him I was afraid that we might regret our decision. Although I knew he was certain that he didn’t want a kid, he relented. We gave ourselves three months to get pregnant. Hindi sasadyain pero hindi iiwasan. Three months and two weeks after, we learned I was pregnant.

Knowing that I was with a baby changed my views about having one. I immediately embraced the idea. J, on the other hand, had a more difficult time adjusting to change. I had a difficult pregnancy and had to go back home to my parents.  I was adamant that I still go to work so he would go with me pag wala siya work. There was a time that he had to pick up me up from an event because I already on my 5th month and I spotted pa. The stress of caring for me while holding on to a new job, I think, was almost too much for him. By the time I had to be rushed to the ER for the 4th time, super stressed na siya. When my blood pressure dropped to nearly fatal levels when I was in the Recovery Room, Jojie cried and called one of my friends because he didn’t know what to do anymore and he was so scared that he was going to lose me. Jia’s first six months was also tough on him. The lack of sleep, taking care of Jia, the sepsis, the pneumonia, the laryngomalacia, the non-opportunity to be together and to date, the financial adjustments… it was just too much. But all throughout, although he had his moments, he was wonderful. Jia knew him more that she knew me. It was her Daddy who got up at night to give her milk. Hindi ito biro because that would mean getting the milk from the fridge downstairs (I was an exclusive pumper). It was her Daddy who was more hands on with taking care of her.  And I realized that being in love with your husband is not just about being kilig and it can be not about you.

This evening, while I was putting Jia to bed, J called me and asked me to do something. I asked him to take care of Jia. The lights were already off and Jia was really about to sleep. Ten minutes after, when I went back to the room, the lights were on and they were playing. Since I was already there, J went down na and I tried to put Jia back to sleep. Hopeless! In the end, I called J and scolded him for playing with Jia again. To make it up to me, he stayed with Jia for a while.

They played and while they were playing, tawa nang tawa ang anak ko. Sabi ni J, “Mahal na mahal ako nito eh!” I smiled. He and Jia kept on playing. Tawa talaga ng tawa si Jia. I saw him looking at Jia and he mouthed the words “mahal na mahal”. He then looked at my eyes and said “Ganun pala no?” and then to Jia “At dati ayaw pa kita!”

Yeah, it’s possible to fall in love with your husband over and over again.