Poor Jia, bad Mommy!

Ay, I’m such a bad mommy! Jia has been acting up a bit and I didn’t realize it’s my fault because I subjected her to too much stress!

Ate Ellen (our all around helper) told us last November she would be leaving by January. Ate May (Joya’s yaya since birth and Jia’s yaya she she was 22months) asked that she go back to being an all-around since she has a hard time with how heavy (and likot!! LOL!) Joya is. Since Ate May is very good as an all-around, we readily agreed. The only problem was getting a new yaya who is as efficient and reliable as Ate May.

Since first week of January, I have had a string of yayas. Jia, at first, was so excited to have a new yaya. In fact, when her Dad came home from work on the first day of Yaya #1, she proudly presented Yaya#1 to him. It was, however, all downhill from there. Jia hated her the day after that when Yaya#1 did something Jia was really scared of, after Jia told her not to do it. That, plus the fact that Yaya#1 was lethargic (turned out she was pregnant), made me decide to let her go.

On to Yaya#2. Jia tried her hardest to be nice to her but Yaya#2 could not read, write, nor understand English. Since Jia does not speak Filipino, Yaya#2 could not understand her. The 10 days that Yaya#2 was here, Jia tried to talk in Filipino. It was very touching and yet so funny. In the end, Yaya#2 asked to be replaced.

Now, we’re in Yaya#3. As they say, third time’s a charm. And this yaya, she knows what she’s doing. I think she’s a keeper.

Ate Ellen left last week and now, it’s back to life with Joya with the new yaya and Ate May in charge of the house. BUT Jia is not used to not having Ate May take care of her. She’s used to having Ate May when I am busy or need to attend to something first. Since I have been busy the past week because of a new project, I haven’t had time to sit down and play with her. Add to that, since December 28, when I started to rebuild my breastfeeding supply by direct feeding Joya ALL the time (which means I bring Joya everywhere), Jia and I haven’t had our “time together” – our bonding time which we both look forward to.

With this and with the changes in our household, it’s a miracle that Jia didn’t act up sooner! This afternoon, I had a friend over because we were talking about our project. Jia kept on interrupting us because (1) she was really craving for attention and (2) she really adores my friend who is also one of her ninangs. But because we were busy, I asked her to stay with Joya. You know what she did? She threw a cellphone at Joya (well, not at Joya but to Joya’s general direction) because she said that Joya wanted to play with the cellphone. I was really angry! I put Jia on timeout and told her I was so disappointed. I had the urge to spank her but since I promised myself and her not to do that, I did not, but believe me, it took a LOT of willpower not to do so.

During dinner, when J and I discussed Jia and what she did (we always do this, we confer about our kids), we realized that she started acting up when the changes became too much for her. Ate May confirmed our hunch when she said that Jia started to behave in an unruly manner since she, Ate May, has stopped being the yaya , therefore, leaving Jia yaya-less since the new yaya is really just for Joya.

Ay, naawa naman ako sa anak ko. I have been so preoccupied with finding the perfect yaya, with beefing up my breastmilk supply, with my new project, that I neglected her. And Jia, bless her, has been so patient. She must have felt so alone. There were times that she called me but I told her that her Dad needed me first. Other time I told her that Joya had to be fed first. She must have felt like my last priority.

Hay! Ang sama sama kong mommy! Kawawa naman yung anak ko.

What’s ironic is I started my project because the end goal is to be able to spend more time with her. I really have to manage my time more efficiently so my baby would not feel neglected. And tomorrow, I promised myself that we would go to wherever Jia wants to go, just the two of us. I just want to have my princess back.